How do I describe perimenopause? A very bad place. It makes you a stranger to yourself. You find yourself thinking and feeling things you never thought you would. 

You consider eating your young, and are there recipes on your favorite site for that? 

You'd gladly kill and eat your mate. Why? He is there. Breathing. In and out, in and out, ENOUGH already!! Damn. and what is that smell? Uh. everything irritates the hell out of you. 

Including yourself. 

sigh. 

You can't sleep. You're always sweaty and hot. You're hungry, but no, you're having stomach trouble. Is your period there AGAIN? Already? Didn't I just do this last month?  You surely don't want any more children, you're almost to the finish line with the ones you have, and you might be interested in sex, except it creates those strangers who keep eating your food, taking your money and chipping away at your wallet and self esteem. Screw that. I can masturbate. Or I could. If I gave a shit. I have sexual thoughts, and feelings. They come intermittently and at odd moments. You'd totally do the phone repair man if he embraced you right NOW. Oops. Missed it. Two seconds went by. Oh. You could have sex with your partner. While you're miles apart and wont see each other for another 8 hours. Oops. Time passed. Not interested. Sometimes you even try to masturbate and just stop because you're not feeling it. Sigh. 

Bored even with yourself. (Slaps crotch) HELLO?! IS THIS THING ON?  Oh, wait, yes, there.. oh, no. No. I was wrong. Nevermind. 

Thrrrppp. You make grand plans to get things done and you end up getting all prepared, dressed, music, cold drink, told facebook, aka - the world you were going to do it. Annnnnnd...just get so overwhelmed you go take a nap. 

You get mad for no reason. Or for good reasons where anger isn't helpful. Or for any reason at all. Curse the world!! Damn fate! The universe. 

See; get overwhelmed and take nap. 

Then there are the aches and pains. Ow. Dammit. You had no idea you could hurt so much in spots you didn't even know you had! How unfair is that? Ugh. And what is it? Is it simply arthritis? Lack of activity? (You sure FEEL active, at least, at work) or bone cancer?! So achey. So tired. Oh no...it's...THE NAP again!! Do we become both teenagers AND toddlers in our midlife?? SO dramatic and moody AND need a nap? At least we are adult enough to take one. Hmph. Sigh again.  

I get angry because I had no idea. No one really talks about what menopause is like, except in bad jokes, and I'm starting to get them. Ha ha ha ... shut the hell up.  It makes you mean. I don't like it. 

I remember when I had Amy, and was bowlegged for two days. I was pissed because NONE of my birthing books covered that feeling. No one said anything like, you'll feel like you've been riding a horse for two days straight, naked. 

And I'm kind of pissed that no one told me how I'd feel when I was midlife.  How it's like being an adolescent all over again. The feeling that you know nothing, and everything you've ever known was just bullshit. You knew there was no Santa. But you didn't want to believe that!  No! Not so! 

I''m sorry. Sorry to everyone who has to go through it with me. Especially my children. I'm sorry Mommy is crazy. She just can't help herself, you see... she's.. human.